if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
