When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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