I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
