Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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