I hate your face
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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