I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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