you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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