Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize