So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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