it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
