first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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