I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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