# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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