well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
