I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
