best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
