Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
