Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
