he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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