So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
