That's intense
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
