Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
