My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
