i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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