things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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