I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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