I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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