There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
