Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
