I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
