I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
