when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The air was thick with penises
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
