Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
