do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
