Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
