how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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