i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
