Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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