Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
