its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
