I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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