Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
