Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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