When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A bitchslap is in order.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize