Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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