She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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