don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
smell my finger.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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