There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How's work?
Spinning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My bed smells like the plague
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