also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
