By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
