I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
