You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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