Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
