I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's never too late to be topless.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
