I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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