nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
