Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
