You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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