I wish my penis had an off switch
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever