i think i have herpe
just one?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
