When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
