i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
