I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
