It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
