I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
