There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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