We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
