Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
