So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
