I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
